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there are others, not hard to google them

Okay, I clicked on all three links and I'm sorry, but ... did you actually click on them? You need to. That third one is just a blog. And from what I can see, the "services" they provide are basically ADVICE. That's it. They call them "tool kits" for dealing with autism, and oh, here are some links to medical stories about autism, and information about the latest studies. I guess they think that if you know enough, you'll be fine. So here are some stories, here are some blogs, here is lots and lots of advice. Oh, and a support group where you can talk to other parents... if you can find someone to watch those kids for a few hours while you go across town and talk to the group. That's the "support" I'm seeing. That's not support.

Show me where she could have found someone to

1. COME OUT TO HER HOUSE AND HELP HER DEAL WITH THEM or

2. A PLACE SHE COULD TAKE THEM AND LEAVE THEM FOR A COUPLE HOURS SO SHE COULD SLEEP. That's the kind of help a person in that situation needs. Not advice from a blog.

If I was an Arizona grandmother with two very difficult children your list would have me beating my brains against a wall in frustration about the inadequacy. Oh, goodie, a safety plan booklet. 2 window locks. A link to more websites.

Even if I searched “Arizona autism respite” and got more specific agencies it would be

Is the agency still operating?
how soon can they act?
do they have people available?
do I trust those people?
can I pay for it? is there state funding? when can that get started?
how many hours can they give me?

Yes, she should have looked for help. I expect she did. Bureaucracy is harder to navigate when you are exhausted and frightened and at your wits’ end.

I have been at an autism support group where one woman said something like when she was old, she was going to overdose herself and her son and just go to sleep together. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, but we all understood why she said it.

There are a few really good residential institutions out there. Most autistic people who move out of their family’s house end up in a group home staffed by uneducated, low-wage immigrants. Some of the staff are good people, but how would you know? Even if there are day programs, it looks like a barren, dull, linoleum kind of life. All hard surfaces and fluorescent lighting, easy to clean, institutional without the resources of an institution.