I sympathize with you. Both my sons’ lives were largely ruined by internet gaming in the Nineties and Two Thousands. They were both in a very good college prep private school which we spent big bucks to send them to, both eventually flunked out and ended up in “remedial” private schools where kids with learning problems or who otherwise couldn’t make it in the good private schools end up. The older one did end up going to college and has somewhat turned his life around, but his gaming addiction seriously limited his life options. Our younger one is still living with us, never got beyond the first year of college, and is working multiple menial service jobs now.
My wife and I fought constantly over our kids’ computer use for playing games like Soldier of Fortune and World of Warcraft, and came close to divorce over the issue. She thought it was fine, I said they were screwing up their lives if they didn’t get off the computer. I was always the “bad guy” because I was “too controlling” over our kids’ computer activities. My wife and I basically didn’t speak to each other for several years, although we didn’t split up and still lived together. One of the counselors that we got sent to actually told me that I should divorce my wife, because otherwise it was going to be nothing but misery for me because of the kids’ computer problems. I told him there was no way I could be that irresponsible, I had to tough it out. I was generally the only one who would go to counseling, because my wife and kids would always say the counselors were exaggerating and then would stop coming to the sessions.
They would play these games all night against teams from around the world. One time I heard people on the speakers speaking some strange language and I asked them who they were. They told me they were “kids from Czechoslovakia” who were playing the games with them. Czechoslovakia I could believe, but they sure didn’t sound like kids.
One time I physically took the computer modem away so they couldn’t use the computers. I had to work late the next day and didn’t get home until sometime after 11 p.m. The kids were gone. I asked my wife where the kids were. She told me she took them to an all-night internet cafe in a bad part of town. They told her they would take the bus home after they were finished playing computer games. I said to my wife, “do you understand the bus doesn’t run after 10 p.m., there’s no way for them to get home.” So I then took the car and drove to the internet cafe, where there were all sorts of druggies and prostitutes walking around outside. I physically had to drag my kids back home.
Another time my older son went into a deep depression and tried to kill himself. He blocked the door to his room and I had to break the door down. We then had to remove all sharp objects from our home because he might use them to kill himself or hurt us. That’s when he also flunked out of school. That depression lasted for several years, until he went to college and fortunately started to turn his life around there.
This is basically how I spent my kids’ teenage years, dealing with this.
What was bad was the culture then. The concept of “computer addiction” was laughed at back then, and if you started making an issue out of computers not being good for your kids, you were the one made fun of for being out of touch with modern times. People thought I was the one with problems for opposing the computer use. But I still look at my kids. My older son was fantastic playing the classical guitar and had a fantastic teacher and school (one time Pepe Romero even came to the class to give them a lesson). He gave that up to play computer games. My younger son was a good athlete in both baseball and basketball. He also gave that up as well for computer games. I look at my kids and realize they have no memories of growing up, or interacting one-on-one with other kids in their teens. They, like their friends, spent all their waking hours playing computer games.
So yeah, I have pretty strong opinions about this whole subject.
I here you buddy. Our stories are similar. I was the one who went to counseling and I was the one w/ Problems.