My parents got married in 1966 and a year later my mother gave birth to twins, Siobhan and Seamus. About four months later Seamus died of what at the time was called ‘crib death’. I came along 13 years later as a little surprise, and while my mother showed nothing but love for me as I grew up there was always a bit of a barrier to her affections, as if she was afraid to invest the same love in me as she did with her son. Which is probably why I grew up being daddies girl. But to this day, Seamus is not a topic easily brought up within the family.
Having had 4 miscarriages after the birth of my only child, I can tell you that a Mother withholds her commitment/affection (after her first miscarriage) until she knows that a pregnancy will continue. That being said, my son is the light in my life and I would never have thought to withhold affection and love for him because of my losses. I am beyond sad for anyone who has lost a child. I am thankful that my losses happened before I was able to bond with my children who didn’t survive until birth. I cannot imagine the pain of people who have lost a living child, for any reason.