How to solve the Cape Cod shark problem

Cape Cod Times ^ | Aug 20, 2019 | Craig A. Will

[Capt. Tom]

I am afraid we are years away from an electronic solution to this problem of interactions of white sharks with Massachusetts beach goers.

Because of the successful proection of seals and white sharks, we are going to have to live with the new normal of shark incidents as they have done for years in Florida, California , Australia, and other places. -Tom

[Red Badger]

Shark Fin soup, Shark steaks, shark on a stick, shark burgers, shark sushi..........................

[Yashcheritsiy]

Roy Scheider already showed us how to solve the Cape Cod shark problem.

[fruser1]

“seals killed here would be replaced by seals swimming down from Canada”

Seal osmosis.

[rfp1234]

Just invite Rosie O’ Dumbbell to take a swim there. After taking a bite of that toxic whale, the sharks will get the heck out and never return.

[HangnJudge]

Dump a barge full of Lawyers in the water
The sharks will leave
Professional courtesy and all

[northislander]

Throw Broward County criminals out of helicopters and poison them to death...

[Vaquero]

Grey Seal Fur coats Fur Hats Etc. Any parts of the meat or other parts not consumable for people or animal feed dump or use as bait out at least 50 miles from the coast.

Time to seriously modify the marine mammal act.

[Hatteras]

"Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

A Sharknado should do it.

[right way right]

Feed them our homeless heroin addicts and drug pushers/smugglers/traffickers.

I like sharks, I think we should feed them something else so that they don’t eat as many of those cute stinky seals.

Everyones gotta eat.

and Druggies need to die.

[BitWielder1]

Leave it alone, nature will balance itself.
More sharks -> fewer seals -> fewer sharks.

[OttawaFreeper]

[mass55th]

Throw all the liberals in New England to them. It will leave a bad taste in their mouths.

[Vaquero]

No. If made an open season they will thin out to reasonable numbers.

They are an unused resource.

[C210N]

I think you’re gonna need a bigger Cape.

[teeman8r]

if we bought greenland, and moved all the seals to the shores of that once great island nation,...

sharks do not eat danish... nevermind.

[Carriage Hill]

No electronic solution needed.
Let the Mass Native American Indians cull the herds, and deprive the sharks of food.
Surely there must be some of them left?

[Capt. Tom]

"Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods.

This is more complicated than JAWS.
They only had to deal with one white shark.
Massachusetts has to deal with hundreds of them. -Tom

[Carriage Hill]

Reminds me of:

Dead snake and dead lawyer, laying in the road.
Which one had skidmarks in front of it?

The snake.