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First, I need to state that I am not a psychologist or a physician. I am an engineer who was trained to be a good observer, analyst, and problem solver. My only training regarding children and parental relations is that my wife and I raised two great kids, who are now very successful adults. And we watched many-a-parent screw it up.

At birth, infants are already very smart. They have a basic instinct to cry when they are in discomfort. God and nature has provided them with a cry that goes right to the spine of their parents and elicits an immediate response to meet the infant’s need. If a low level cry of discomfort does not do the trick; they learn that raising the bar, WILL do the trick.

As the child becomes more aware of the world around them, he quickly learns that the same behavior that gives him comfort can also now be used to fulfill their worldly desires and whims, and to control the behavior of others, siblings and parents. Unchecked, this is now a problem in self-will running amuck. This is a child not an infant.

To live in the exciting broader and more complex world, it is necessary that a child be taught that their existence is no longer, “just about them”. There are other people and things in the world that require their attention and respect. They must also learn that there will always be some authority over them. It may be a parent, a peer, a teacher, a boss, the police, a judge or a jailer (or even a hot potbelly stove). But ultimately a child’s best opportunity is to recognize that there is a loving God, to whom he is willing to give authority, over him.

The easiest solution is to train the child (still very smart) that the behavior that previously brought comfort and their fondest desires, can now also bring pain in some circumstances. Children do not understand the psychological, emotional or spiritual world (that will come later in life). They only understand the physical world. They very quickly learn that crying (and other mock signals of their own distress), will be comforted in some circumstances or will be punished in others. Again, they’re smart and will modify their behavior to get comfort when needed but also avoid pain. The pain referred to here is a spank on the butt. Applied consistently, it works. But, it also needs to be followed immediately by parental acceptance and comfort. A spanking is NOT applied for kids being kids, but for willful defiance.

Is there an alternative? Sure. You can exasperate your two year old child with long discussions of the global socio-economic eschatological implication of their behavior, while they continue to raise the bar because they know better than you. You can try to distract you child with a more enticing thing than they are asking for. What can go wrong with that? Oh, how about asking them if they want a spanking? (In my kids’ case, the question never got asked because it was already too late.) How about counting? At best, the kid continues until your done counting then stops, at worst he knows nothing is going to happen and continues anyway. Or the worst of all, you can decide that children are too hard to raise and just give up, turning them over to themselves. The problem with all of these is that the child does not have to recognize any authority in their life other than themselves. Parents that engage in these tactics only reinforce the notion that the child is in charge and needs answer to no authority. Eventually, authority will crush them, either physically or in spirit. Spanking set my children free on the path to a fulfilling life.

I need to close by saying that some children are easier than others and there is NO guarantee regarding how kids turn out. Kids are pretty tough both physically and emotionally and the key is to bend that young branch of the family tree without breaking it.