Giving A Cat A Pill:
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill you just swallowed is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Get a screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Clean and bandage slashed, bloody arms and face. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw bloody, shredded T-shirt away and get a new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire dept to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with small adjustable wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm, and removes pill remnants from right eye. Also, be quite still for your tetanus shot before beginning your 10-day regimen of antibiotics. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for vet to make a house call.
I have two cats who have heart disease and must be medicated. One of them is now on 3x/day pills.
Normally, two of us medicate the cats—one to hold feet, the other to administer pill/liquid.
My husband and son had to leave for a week. I figured out a way to wrap a towel around the cats and immobilize them to administer the drugs. Neither of them liked it at first, but after a couple of days, the girl took to purring ferociously as soon as I would set her on the towel to start wrapping her. She purred the whole time I was shoving pills and liquid down her throat. Maybe she was purring because of the treat she knew she would get... maybe it was because the towel felt like a big hug. I don’t know. But she does not mind being drugged, even though she has to be restrained.