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My son also had reservations.. if He was a loving God, why didn’t He let me have the career I worked so hard for.. my son wanted it his way. He was a perfect son with pride in his own abilities and when that didn’t work, God was to blame.
He was diagnosed with leukemia and in the midst of it, he had a vision one night. He thought he was dying.. he said life left him, he felt it. Then he saw a bit of Heaven.. his father, friends, brother in law, all had a message for my son.. Pride...man’s own pride. There was the feeling of that peace.. the love in that place.. it changed him in that moment when all the talk had not.
I wanted my son to live more than anything.. If I could have, I would have pleaded with God to leave him here.. and as strange as it is, Heaven is peace without all the trouble and strife. . why do we want to cling to earth... because it is in all human beings.
But I have every right to think God is not a loving God..why did he take my son.. That is where the faith comes in and admitting to our inner self.. we do not know it all and we do not know the future or what we will or or will not go through. God had him via the vision... for my prayer was to make sure my son was prepared for death. and that prayer was answered.
I miss him ... he was my go to son.. he was the best there is... and he’s gone before his time. I trust God knew and did what was best.. and I come to that because there is no other choice.. we serve God or we serve our lost selves.. and that lost self is serving the other side.
It’s okay to get mad at God...He knows and understands.. Just don’t stay that way..we all have to admit we don’t know it all and we make mistakes.. and we are miniscule compared to the God in Heaven.
That old song... What a friend we have in Jesus... and I needed that Friend when the tears flow for the big vacuum he left.
One more thing, I lost my husband suddenly 5 months before getting the phone call from my son telling me to sit down..he had bad news.. and the next 2 years my life went on hold trying to get my son well. Prayers went up all over the country... but God took him. We trust .. we learn we have nothing but that Friend. and He is more than able!