Posted on 04/11/2019 3:34:56 AM PDT by sodpoodle
1. THESE GREENS ARE SO FAST I HAVE TO HOLD MY PUTTER OVER THE BALL AND HIT IT WITH THE SHADOW. ~ SAM SNEAD
2. I WAS THREE OVER TODAY: ONE OVER A HOUSE, ONE OVER A PATIO AND ONE OVER A SWIMMING POOL. ~ GEORGE BRETT
3. ACTUALLY, THE ONLY TIME I EVER TOOK OUT A ONE-IRON WAS TO KILL A TARANTULA. AND I TOOK A 7 TO DO THAT. ~ JIM MURRAY
4. THE ONLY SURE RULE IN GOLF IS - HE WHO HAS THE FASTEST CART NEVER HAS TO PLAY THE BAD LIE. ~ MICKEY MANTLE
5. SEX AND GOLF ARE THE TWO THINGS YOU CAN ENJOY EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT 'EM. ~ KEVIN COSTNER
6. I DON'T FEAR DEATH, BUT I SURE DON'T LIKE THOSE THREE-FOOTERS FOR PAR. ~ CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ
7. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, IT'S STILL EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO PLAY ON THE AMERICAN GOLF TOUR. LIKE THE TIME I ASKED MY CADDIE FOR A SAND WEDGE AND HE CAME BACK TEN MINUTES LATER WITH A HAM ON RYE. ~ CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ
8. THE BALL RETRIEVER IS NOT LONG ENOUGH TO GET MY PUTTER OUT OF THE TREE. ~ BRIAN WEIS
9. SWING HARD IN CASE YOU HIT IT. ~ DAN MARINO
10. MY FAVORITE SHOTS ARE THE PRACTICE SWING AND THE CONCEDED PUTT. THE REST CAN NEVER BE MASTERED. ~ LORD ROBERTSON
11. GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS, FRESH AIR AND A BEAUTIFUL PARTNER, AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CLUBS AND THE FRESH AIR. ~ JACK BENNY
12. THERE IS NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN GOLF AND PUTTING; THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT GAMES, ONE PLAYED IN THE AIR, AND THE OTHER ON THE GROUND. ~ BEN HOGAN
13. PROFESSIONAL GOLF IS THE ONLY SPORT WHERE, IF YOU WIN 20% OF THE TIME, YOU'RE THE BEST. ~ JACK NICKLAUS
14. THE UGLIER A MAN'S LEGS ARE, THE BETTER HE PLAYS GOLF. IT'S ALMOST A LAW. ~H. G. WELLS
15. I NEVER PRAY ON A GOLF COURSE. ACTUALLY, THE LORD ANSWERS MY PRAYERS EVERYWHERE EXCEPT ON THE COURSE. ~ BILLY GRAHAM
16. IF YOU WATCH A GAME, IT'S FUN. IF YOU PLAY AT IT, IT'S RECREATION. IF YOU WORK AT IT, IT'S GOLF. ~ BOB HOPE
17. WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY, I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. I STEPPED ON A RAKE. ~ HENNY YOUNGMAN
18. IF YOU THINK IT'S HARD TO MEET NEW PEOPLE, TRY PICKING UP THE WRONG GOLF BALL. ~ JACK LEMMON
19. YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS GAME. JUST ASK MY EX-WIVES. BOTH OF THEM ARE SO RICH THAT NEITHER OF THEIR HUSBANDS WORK. ~ LEE TREVINO
20. I'M NOT SAYING MY GOLF GAME WENT BAD, BUT IF I GREW TOMATOES, THEY'D COME UP SLICED. ~ LEE TREVINO
1. THESE GREENS ARE SO FAST I HAVE TO HOLD MY PUTTER OVER THE BALL AND HIT IT WITH THE SHADOW. ~ SAM SNEAD
2. I WAS THREE OVER TODAY: ONE OVER A HOUSE, ONE OVER A PATIO AND ONE OVER A SWIMMING POOL. ~ GEORGE BRETT
3. ACTUALLY, THE ONLY TIME I EVER TOOK OUT A ONE-IRON WAS TO KILL A TARANTULA. AND I TOOK A 7 TO DO THAT. ~ JIM MURRAY
4. THE ONLY SURE RULE IN GOLF IS - HE WHO HAS THE FASTEST CART NEVER HAS TO PLAY THE BAD LIE. ~ MICKEY MANTLE
5. SEX AND GOLF ARE THE TWO THINGS YOU CAN ENJOY EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT 'EM. ~ KEVIN COSTNER
6. I DON'T FEAR DEATH, BUT I SURE DON'T LIKE THOSE THREE-FOOTERS FOR PAR. ~ CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ
7. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, IT'S STILL EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO PLAY ON THE AMERICAN GOLF TOUR. LIKE THE TIME I ASKED MY CADDIE FOR A SAND WEDGE AND HE CAME BACK TEN MINUTES LATER WITH A HAM ON RYE. ~ CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ
8. THE BALL RETRIEVER IS NOT LONG ENOUGH TO GET MY PUTTER OUT OF THE TREE. ~ BRIAN WEIS
9. SWING HARD IN CASE YOU HIT IT. ~ DAN MARINO
10. MY FAVORITE SHOTS ARE THE PRACTICE SWING AND THE CONCEDED PUTT. THE REST CAN NEVER BE MASTERED. ~ LORD ROBERTSON
11. GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS, FRESH AIR AND A BEAUTIFUL PARTNER, AND YOU CAN KEEP THE CLUBS AND THE FRESH AIR. ~ JACK BENNY
12. THERE IS NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN GOLF AND PUTTING; THEY ARE TWO DIFFERENT GAMES, ONE PLAYED IN THE AIR, AND THE OTHER ON THE GROUND. ~ BEN HOGAN
13. PROFESSIONAL GOLF IS THE ONLY SPORT WHERE, IF YOU WIN 20% OF THE TIME, YOU'RE THE BEST. ~ JACK NICKLAUS
14. THE UGLIER A MAN'S LEGS ARE, THE BETTER HE PLAYS GOLF. IT'S ALMOST A LAW. ~H. G. WELLS
15. I NEVER PRAY ON A GOLF COURSE. ACTUALLY, THE LORD ANSWERS MY PRAYERS EVERYWHERE EXCEPT ON THE COURSE. ~ BILLY GRAHAM
16. IF YOU WATCH A GAME, IT'S FUN. IF YOU PLAY AT IT, IT'S RECREATION. IF YOU WORK AT IT, IT'S GOLF. ~ BOB HOPE
17. WHILE PLAYING GOLF TODAY, I HIT TWO GOOD BALLS. I STEPPED ON A RAKE. ~ HENNY YOUNGMAN
18. IF YOU THINK IT'S HARD TO MEET NEW PEOPLE, TRY PICKING UP THE WRONG GOLF BALL. ~ JACK LEMMON
19. YOU CAN MAKE A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS GAME. JUST ASK MY EX-WIVES. BOTH OF THEM ARE SO RICH THAT NEITHER OF THEIR HUSBANDS WORK. ~ LEE TREVINO
20. I'M NOT SAYING MY GOLF GAME WENT BAD, BUT IF I GREW TOMATOES, THEY'D COME UP SLICED. ~ LEE TREVINO
AND THE DUPLICATION!!!!!!
Golf is a great game: no matter how bad you do on the current hole, you know you can always look forward to the next hole, where you can do even worse...
Penalty stroke, no?
To quote Mark Twain....Golf is a walk spoiled.
Putting is like sex. If you are not up, you are not in.
They eliminated the penalty for the double hit this year.
Best week of the year.
Masters week......
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” Mark Twain.
Then there’s Robin Williams on golf:
L
If you would like to convert this (or anything else) to lower case, use this tool:
‘Sentence case’ is what you want - you will have to manually capitalize the first letter of the golfer’s first/last names, but the rest will be good!
Never played the game but find many of these hilarious.
BTW if I’m going to stroll through beautiful park like settings I’m carrying a rifle looking to make lunch out of one of God’s creatures.
GOLF has made liars out of more people than the IRS—WILL RODGERS
WOW!!!
Great app. Thank you so much. I cut and paste jokes etc., from a great friend’s emails. Take’s me forever ....and I have no idea how to post photos and cartoons;)
Senile senior..LOL!!
Lee Trevino after being struck by lighting at the 1975 Western Open:
"If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well. ~Art Rosenbaum
Ping
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