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I was estranged from that sister for about 8 years because of her actions during my mother’s terminal illness. My sister lived in Vermont, and occasionally visited, but when my mother was struggling with cancer, she got one of the worst cases of shingles on top of it that even the medical staff had ever seen...covering nearly 2/3 her entire back and one shoulder. It was horrible. We could not care for her, and had to fight to have her admitted to a rehab where they could give her the appropriate care that we couldn’t.

We had to work damn hard to get insurance to cover it, too, but through a lot of intensive work, we did.

My sister came down, and she visited my mother unbeknownst to the rest of us and took her out of the rehab without even talking to us. When she asked why we were so angry about it, I told her bluntly, which is not my normal style. She split our family in two, and none of us talked to her or she to us for that eight year period. She didn’t come to my mother’s funeral.

I tried with no success to get in touch with her a few years back, then finally just took it on myself to drive the four hours to where she lived, even though I didn’t have her address. I only knew the town, so I went to the general store in the town and asked if anyone knew her and her husband, and where they lived, and drove out there.

We had a reconciliation, and the fact was, she had never intended the estrangement to go on for so long, but when she cooled off, life got in the way, and months turned into years. Anyway, I had a nice visit with her, but have been unable to convince my brothers to go see her. For many reasons, the grudge runs deep in them and they aren’t interested.

I have found that holding a grudge like that is more toxic than the grudge itself, but people gotta figure that out on their own.

I tell you all this, because it says something about my sister. I mean, any woman who can deliver her baby in a rough shack in a northern Vermont winter with no electricity, water, or heat beyond a fire, without any medical help or assistance, well, at the very least, they have guts if not much sense.

So when I think back to my sister raising her fist in the air and shouting that, I do indeed roll my eyes, even if I am laughing at the ridiculousness of it inside!