Posted on 08/30/2018 10:55:42 AM PDT by Morgana
That status needs to belong to the parents.
I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, "Who are the most important people in your family?"
Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, "Our kids!"
"Why?" I then asked. "What is it about your kids that gives them that status?"
And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn't answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.
So, I answered the question for them: "There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status."
I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids - typical stuff, these days - are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.
Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.
This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it's the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.
It was also clear to us - I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate - that our parents' marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more - a lot more - with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.
The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.
The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.
"Our child is the most important person in our family" is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.
You don't want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn't need that. And neither does America.
“Head of the household” needs to mean “lead / guide / teach with the interests of all family members at the forefront”.
Many women treat treat it, when applied to men, as “be a source of cash” and “be blamed for anything that goes wrong”.
That is a harmful dynamic.
“Could the most important person in the family be.... GOD?”
Oh by all means that is a big one! They doing too much sports to ever attend a religious service!!!
Yes, of course, life is not that simple.
There is no exception. We must take the Body of Christ as our example. The head is no head if he has nothing to lead. Somebody needs to mother the family and the children, the result of the expressions of love of the parents are essential to the entire family and to the future of society.
This is how we get helicopter parents.
I know more than parent that calls their child in the morning to schedule their child’s day, then calls them at least 5 times throughout the day to guide them. They’ve raised illiterate idiots.
These same parents drive old cars while buying their children new ones. “But little boo needs her new car.” Meanwhile, the parents desire things like a new car, a boat, or a vacation but complain how they can’t afford it.
““Head of the household” needs to mean “lead / guide / teach with the interests of all family members at the forefront”.
Many women treat treat it, when applied to men, as “be a source of cash” and “be blamed for anything that goes wrong”.
That is a harmful dynamic.”
On the flip side of that coin many men think they can use and abuse their wife as a slave.
No Man submits to Christ
Woman submits to her husband as man submits to Christ
Now I ask you who much did Christ love us? He died for us. How many husband be willing to die for their wives? Wives you be willing to submit to a man like that!! Husband you love a woman like you submit to Christ.
So yes man is head of the house hold!! If you a Christian that is
This story is still something to consider!!
Too much time away from family life can’t be good! I grew up eating dinner at 6pm sharp with the family. Kids today? They don’t have this! They have breakfeast and lunch at school and now no dinner at home? No family time? Come on that can’t be good. You mean it don’t send chills up your spine?
I made sure to note that leading / guiding / teaching must be with the interests of all family members at the forefront.
The number one job of a parent is to teach their children to be independent.
That means giving them some freedom, from day one.
When parents believe their kids to be the most important thing in their lives, they stifle that freedom and independence.
I know of which I speak. Our youngest is driving home right now to get the rest of his stuff to move several states away. All of ours were on their own by 19 or 20.
One is in Germany right now visiting friends.
That and teaching them a strong Christian worldview will almost certainly prevent a snowflake.
I will respectfully disagree. Children are a gift from God Almighty. People who dont take that responsibility seriously make horrible parents. I have launched one truly fine young gentleman into the world, and have two sweet, smart, funny, honorable children on the deck. You only get a few years to shape them into successful people. If that isn’t your primary mission during that time, you are wasting theirs.
I think that is a better answer than what the article sets forth.
I don’t think I benefitted tremendously from being a non-person growing up.
We try to have a balance and certainly we know many parents who have become non-persons and empowered their kids too much.
But I certainly want them to know they are people, and to your point, they are people who are in a family.
They don’t live to be under the authority of The Parents, or The Grandparents.
So....I think yeah, a little balance is good.....
Children should be treated as children not best friends of the parents. That’s the problem these days.
Putting job before marriage is a sure fire recipe for a failed marriage.
There are far more options available for jobs than marriage partners.
If the job fails, then you just go out and find another one.
What do you do if the marriage fails?
Just go out and find another one?
Well said.
Parents May consider the children most “important” in a family, but that does NOT mean the children make the rules, or determine the values.
It’s interesting.
When my kids were little, I was often accused of being over protective about things that I thought they just were not ready for.
Many people were eager to push their kids out into the world for them to learn how to handle *real life*.
A wise friend with a large family, told me once to let the kids be dependent for as long as they needed to and when they started out on their own, they’d do it faster and better than if I forced them before they were ready. That way, they’d learn they were secure and actually would become independent sooner than if I forced them and created in them insecurity by pushing them out too soon.
So I took her advice and as the kids expressed the desire to do certain things, I’d either let them or not, depending on the circumstances. I also taught them in their pre-teen and teen years, the life skills they would need to function as adults, things like grocery shopping, doing their own laundry, how to cook, how to manage money, etc. When they went to college, they were some of the few that already knew how to take care of themselves.
All three of them insisted on living on campus for college and as soon as they graduated college, moved out on their own for grad school and/or work.
My oldest moved herself across the country at 22.
For all the dire warnings that they were over protected, they all turned out to be very ambitious and responsible and self-sufficient adults. And the oldest just hit 30.
Pearls of wisdom from my Father - God, Family, Country, and yourself. In that order.
Why ... YES, he does!
Ephesians 5:
22 Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: 23 Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it: 26 That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. 28 So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: 30 Because we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. 32 This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband.
He continues, regarding children:
Ephesians 6:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just. 2 Honour thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise: 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest be long lived upon earth. 4 And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord.
What more is there to say?
If you do what’s best for your kids and their future, they’ll be all right. Parents loving each other. What does that mean? If each parent loves truly, as in what real love is, there will be harmony in their home. How many people actually love that way, selflessly? If we could all be perfect, nobody would have any relationship problems. Very complicated issue. Let me ask one question -— if your wife or husband, and your kid were about to be killed, and you could save one, which one would you save?
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