Thank you for your beautiful and powerful words.
I was going to ask you “should I go to Mass,” but I know already know the answer to that.
I would say, read the Bible. Get a modern translation like the New Living Translation and read it alongside your Catholic Bible or King James Bible, to get a clearer meaning from the contemporary language alongside the resonant poetry of the traditional version. No need to rush; just read a chapter a day. It will all start to make sense, now that you are an adult and can appreciate the depth of human passion and folly. If you are unfamiliar, start with the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. God speaks to us through the scriptures.
Once you become familiar with the scriptures, many things start to make sense, no matter whether you choose to attend an RC church or an evangelical one, or a small prayer group of Bible believers. At His trial before Pontius Pilate, Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. I came to bring truth to those who can hear the truth.” Trust God, pray to be led where He wants you to go, and just try things.
Father God,
Mighty Creator, Loving Lord,
Bring the truth of the gospel into Steely Tom’s awareness. Bring Christ-believers alongside to give him guidance, and bring opportunities to sample good communities of believers. Create in him forgiveness and the freedom to seek You where You may be found.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Crack open a Bible and read the gospels.
You’ll find Jesus there and He’s all you need.