My heart aches for you and those who think the same. Please know that this is NOT Christianity - far from it! Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." (Matthew 11:28,29). Those who presume to act for Jesus Christ and behave in that way are evil and their actions prove they work for Satan, NOT Jesus. They will face a severe judge at their death who will deal with them as one unto whom nothing is hidden and ALL is laid bare. I shudder for their eternity!
I will pray for you that you are freed from the pain of the terrible things done to you and that you find rest for your soul. Jesus loves you and He can heal your heart.
Organized religious institutions are not necessary for faith and belief in Christianity. You are kind to offer prayers for me. Just keep in mind that the church did not yet exist when Christ walked the earth.