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WOO HOO!

We're number 1!

We had some stiff competition from Alabama and Mississippi, with Arkansas always lurking, like we do every year. Alabama beat us in the coveted infant mortality rate but hey, we'll give that one away.

Montana beat us for homicide and suicide which is always good for a few points. We argue that our homicide rate should garner more points but the judges disagreed.

Mississippi took the food insecurity category which is always suspect, with all the meth heads over there we think they cheat.

New Mexico won the field in high school drop outs which once again is suspect as they have a lot more Mexicans than we do and we don't think non-citizens should count.

Teen births? Arkansas. Arkansas always cheats in this category. They purposely have a low age of consent and there is absolutely no question why they do that. And then there's the unfair Clinton legacy, I mean really? We all know what sex is.

Arizona ran away with child poverty but there is that question again; should non-citizens count? We are going to take that up with the UN.

Wait, what was that Bobby, ok.

Bobby was hard to hear as he is still in his basement planning his next presidential run (snicker).Bobby said it's no good to go to the UN. There is always bias against us Southern boys. Bobby the Southern boy. Now thats funny.

And getting on with the final category we will cover; world ranking. Any thinking person immediately discounts this and those who don't can go move to Valenzuela.

Wait? Whats that?

Dollar Bill "the money man" Jefferson: Wel wa did lan botween Belarusa an dem damn Russians.

Ok Bill ok. Jesus you would think you could hear him better now he's out of prison folks.

Well folks there you have it. When the dust settled, with the ever stiff competition from the red tide and those tweakers, even with those rising stars in the South West, WE ARE NUMBER 1

Ok folks next year is a different year so go shoot one for the team!

What? What? Ok Ray. We know it's a race to the bottom Ray but WE ARE STILL NUMBER ONE Ray. Jes Ray is that so hard to understand. Now Ray. Ray. RAY RAY! Stop with your liberal platitudes ! If you think you can turn this upside down than do it. Yes Ray I know you can't from a jail cell . Bye Ray! Does that guy ever shut up. He's more annoying that Bobby! And if he's so damn smart than why is he in Jail. Bye folks.

Oh Crap....Here comes Mitch. Double trouble he's got his sister with him. Ya know she use to be hot..............