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To: BenLurkin
Right up there with the Improbability Drive


6 posted on 05/24/2018 7:50:52 AM PDT by rjsimmon (The Tree of Liberty Thirsts)
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To: rjsimmon

The principle of generating small amounts of finite improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood — and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess’s undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left, in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy.

Many respectable physicists said that they weren’t going to stand for this, partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn’t get invited to those sorts of parties.

Another thing they couldn’t stand was the perpetual failure they encountered while trying to construct a machine which could generate the infinite improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralyzing distances between the farthest stars, and at the end of the day they grumpily announced that such a machine was virtually impossible.

Then, one day, a student who had been left to sweep up after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning in this way: If, he thought to himself, such a machine is a virtual impossibility, it must have finite improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out how exactly improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea... and turn it on!

He did this and was rather startled when he managed to create the long sought after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air. He was even more startled when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute’s Prize for Extreme Cleverness he was lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had realized that one thing they couldn’t stand was a smart-arse.


12 posted on 05/24/2018 7:58:59 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: rjsimmon
Heck, everybody knows Aunt Em and Tesla invented the Em Drive back in the day...

She only used it once to drop a house on a witch. Once she realized the power of the Em Drive she burned the plans so Henry Ford couldn't steal the drive for evil.

27 posted on 05/24/2018 9:11:31 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: rjsimmon

That looks like a webcam I used to have


33 posted on 05/24/2018 10:52:14 AM PDT by nevadapatriot
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