As for A. Lincoln, you might want to stay away from the theater for a while.
I’m truly sorry to do this, but your first sentence made me remember a TV show song from the 1960s...
The end of the Civil War was near
When quite accidentally,
A hero who sneezed abruptly seized
Retreat and reversed it to victory.
His medal of honor pleased and thrilled
his proud little family group.
While pinning it on some blood was spilled
And so it was planned he’d command F Troop.