GETTING OLD
Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?
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Well into her 90s as her memory began to fade, my mother could still recite:
Here’s to life, ain’t it grand?
I just got a divorce from my old man.
I laughed and laughed at the judges’ decision.
He gave him the kids, and they weren’t even his’n.
: }
On olde Irish Blessing
May your roof be always stout
and your glass always full
May the wind be at your back and
the sun on your face as you travel
And many years from now may you be in heaven
30 minutes before the devil learns of your passing
Regards
alfa6 ;>}
“15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.”
How true. Last pay period (which I get the money tomorrow) I got some overtime, oh about $600 worth. Friday, I took my truck in for the annual safety inspection and had to get a rear axle seal and bearing replaced, about $700. Just can’t seem to win.