Posted on 01/15/2018 11:15:26 AM PST by arrow107
Just Having some fun with my son's school assignment in which he is to take a current event/issue and turn it into a book/story. I thought a small book with each page starting with "You Might Be A Sh*thole Country If...." (hats off to Jeff Foxworthy) and add pics and some stats/info for each. I know that Freepers have a biting sense of humor coupled with facts to make this so much more than we can do alone. So, if you will, a little help Freepers to get us started; You Might Be A Sh*thole Country If....
Sorry son, that's a West Virginia joke.
How I first heard it is interesting:back in the day when Bethlehem Steel was still around, I sat in a meeting with the top execs, including the Chairman and CEO, who happened to be a West Virginia native, a lawyer and a fine man to boot.
One of his colleagues asked "Hank, under West Virginia law, if a man divorces his wife, is she still his sister?"
Hank, a taciturn man by nature, merely smiled as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.
A fine company, with a lot of good people, back in the day.
... if your national leaders have come from the same family for three generations but your country is not ruled by a monarchy.
True story:
When the stewardesses fumigate the plane for malaria-bearing mosquitoes after the cabin door closes but before you take off: you might just be departing a shithole country
Living in a shit hole country:
When the government’s greatest source of income relies on drugs, weapons, ammunition being sold, and the next items on that list of income possibilities you see the sale of prisoner organs, baby parts of aborted infants harvested and sold at top dollar prices in the bidding war.
No matter how much Febreze you use, the stench is still overwhelming.
Wow Sweden and New Zealand.
If your country has a “non-fiscal account” established decades earlier as a monopoly on exports like tobacco that also includes the proceeds from other government enterprises, and your leader uses it as a slush fund for which no balance sheets are ever kept, then you live in a s!ithole.
How old is your son?
Is he allowed to say/use the term?
Especially in school?
If your people move to the USA and vote Democrat.
You are an OPEC member and oil exporting nation and your government employees shake down foreigners for cash at the airport prior to departure and these same government employees only want US dollars or euros, not the worthless local currency.
Marrying 8 year old girls is an acceptable practice.
Transport to jail for failing to produce a big enough bribe is a cage in the back of a Toyota pickup.
When you ransom your construction crew back from their kidnappers you not only have to pay the ransom but you also have to pay for their hospitality (steak dinners, beer, scotch and prostitutes).
Your country grows drugs instead of food.
You kick out the US military and all the jobs they provide and now that everyone is unemployed you have to export your mothers, wives, sisters and daughters to the Middle East to be prostitutes.
Your own citizens are too lazy to work so you import Albanians or Pakistanis to do all the work.
There is no wildlife outside of the national parks because the locals have eaten everything that moves.
You have a socialist government.
Illegals from the country are called “dreamers.”
Liberals refuse to visit, yet claim how great it is to live there.
You know you’re a vanity poster if you don’t know what a contraction is.
************
LOL........... Good one.
You bought Bill Clinton's IRS itemized, donated underwear at a thrift store but are opposed to tax reform.
Love your about page...
You have signs along the street and under bridges that say: “Don’t Sh_t Here.”
You have to put adds in the news paper to declare someone you fired does not work for you anymore to avoid fraud and misrepresentation by them.
People put signs in front of their houses that say: “This property is not for sale.” Because when you are away for the day other people actually sell your house and the buyers move in. Truthfully.
First class is the back of the airplane because the front is covered with betel nut juice.
The local cartel drops the body of a farmer you made friends with at your compound gate because they are in control. That’s all, they are in control.
Men with spears and bones in their noses and penis gourds are walking down the street by the airport terminal.
On your way to work you find a woman with her lung visible walking down the road carrying a baby. Her husband got tired of her and cut her with a machete.
They steal the telephone wires. 2 miles of them in daylight.
There are bodies floating in the lagoon in the city.
The trash pile dumped off the main bridge to the city is so high it reaches from the water to the bridge.
Every office and house and apartment must have a wall, a gate and a guard to even hope it will be secure.
You have to leave for the airport 6 hours before your flight to get through the traffic and the airport is 12 miles away.
Everything looks used or old even just after it has been built.
Mothers sell their young daughters and don’t care why. It is acceptable. It is part of survival.
What would be a beautiful lagoon has so many half-liter plastic water bags in it you can’t run an outboard 200 yards without clogging the cooling water intake.
The creek to the bay inlet smells like a sewer because it is.
The estuary in the heart of the city is septic with deep thick black goo.
People birth droves of children into crushing filth and poverty because they are banking that at least one of the children will be prosperous to support their parent in old age. Children are for work and a disability policy.
People bathe in the ditches and the ditches are used for sewers.
There are piles of trash in the street and the sun cooks them until the liquid starts running down the gutters.
You must have a generator if you want any consistent electricity or any electricity even in a city with millions of people.
There is one ice cream and pastry shop that a civilized person can go to in a city with 21,000,000 people.
The pink plastic bags are like snow drifts and blow from one side of the city to the other.
The streets are lined with burned out cars.
People ride in and all over busses.
People live on garbage heaps pushed out into the lagoon.
You take a picture out of your office window in the “good” part of the city and your brother says, “My gosh! You work in a slum.”
There are no more wild animals in the forest because they were all eaten in the civil war.
You can see a bushman walking his hyena with a big chain for a leash on a city street.
When you fly into the city you see a huge dark mass and as you get closer you realize it is a sea of people. All homeless.
People die of cerebral malaria for lack of a few bucks worth of medicine.
Children aren’t named until they are 6 or so because so many die.
That is a shithole country.
I can go on but won’t. I’m sure there are some other FReepers who can tell similar things and corroborate what I have written.
Anyone who wants to bring people from places like this to turn them lose in a modern society is an evil and cruel fool.
...You burn any old crap for heat and cooking. Literally, any old carp - human, animal, etc.
If people transport livestock or live poultry on public transportation....
You aren’t making them up. I’ve seen a lot of these things first hand.
If sea freight containers full of AIDS medicines run out of fuel for the refrigerators and it all ruins in the hot tropical sun because nobody can pay the bribes to get it to clear customs...you know you are in a s-hole country.
Your country is best known for internet scammers.
YMBASHC if you’re just hanging out and crack of a really bad fart blast and about a minute later are asked to spray some more air freshener or light another scented candle.
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