Trump: wazzup dude
Putin: I’m kewl
Trump: u mind if I do the prez thing
Putin: no prob itz done
Trump: u d man bro
Putin: Hey
Trump: I want to stop your foray across Eastern Europe. I want to put massive anti-missile shields in Poland and elsewhere. I want to team up with Belarus, Ukraine and Romania and drill for oil to drive the price down and bankrupt your country. I want to stop your meddling in Syria and the Middle East. Do you want to collude and help me?
Putin: Sure! It's not like I am able to pay off Hillary for all that Uranium, and take over Eastern Europe unchecked.