[Does so]

Red Squirrels are very aggressive and destructive.

Grey Squirrels' bite will draw blood.

Chipmunks are very trainable. They will do anything for a sunflower seed. Every Spring, I train chipmunks to come to my whistle! Especially funny to see chipmunks ricocheting across a hundred feet of forest to race to me holding a sunflower seed...Chipmunks have even identified the sound of opening the jar I keep the sunflower seeds in.

In captivity, they live about eight years; in Nature, about five. Most youngsters are chased from the nest while still "naïve" of their predators.

The slowness of our court system guarantees the squirrel won't outlive any verdict.

[Does so]

You remember Bernard Goetz—of NYC subway shooting fame? "Bernhard Goetz shot four alleged muggers on a New York City Subway train in Manhattan."

http://www.nytimes.com/1985/01/01/nyregion/man-tells-police-he-shot-youths-in-subway-train.html

One minute video of Goetz trying not to get bitten by his playful squirrel. (Also fought eviction in New Hampshire for keeping his squirrel).

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/09/subway-gunman-b.html