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“Keep in mind at all times Hillary is the very essence of honesty and humility.”

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I am the very model of the modern Queen Humility,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the cause of my loss, and I hide scandals historical,
From Email to Whitewater, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
I understand hush payments, both the bribe and suicidical,
About Fort Marcy Park and such I’m teeming with a lot o’ news-—
With many cheerful facts about the deaths of friends who break my rules.

I’m very good at treasonous and conspiracy calculus,
I pay for quick unmasking names of beings republiculous;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of the modern Queen Humility.

I know our mythic history, King FDR’s and Kennedy’s,
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in ebonics all the crimes of corrupt Barack’s,
With death threats I can floor FBI directors fabulous.
I can tell unquestioned fibs with perjuries and subtle lies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Progs of Mainstream-media,
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve testafied afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense libs adore.

Then I can write a check to Bill in charitable rescue cash,
And BitBleach every detail as I sip my hidden whisky stash;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of the modern Queen Humility.

For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought to question in the protest at Benghazi;
But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of the modern Queen Humility.