— A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years”.
A grasshopper walked into a bar, hopped up onto a stool and ordered a Scotch and soda. The bartender said to the grasshopper, “You know, we have a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper said, “You have a drink named ‘Irving’?”