It was a lifetime ago, but I clearly remember Ramona down in the basement, taking a single bite of an apple from out of the sack, and then chucking it, only to take a single bite of the next apple, and then chucking that one too.
When confronted she said “Silly, everyone knows the first bite is the best”.
That is all I remember, aside from her unemployed dad taking her to the state line so she could straddle two states at once.
PS: Travis, I think children’s books might be your next calling. Something like “Treason, Tyranny, and the Importance of Naps”.