Perhaps you could bring home the bacterial evidence of the illicit affairs you have been having.
In the Future:
Wife: “Step up to my Bacteria App, dear.”
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . “Those are not my bacteria! Let me get the Divorce Papers App!”
Husband: “I’m printing off the suicide gun from my Gun App!”
I don’t think the Bacteria App is necessary.
According to Kelly Bundy, a woman can smell another woman on her man.