1) Mandatory tooth-brushing laws ("Gingivitis has been eroding the gumline of this great nation of ours for long enough and must be stopped.");2) Time travel research ("I'm the only candidate who is willing to fully fund time travel, go back in time and kill baby Hitler with my bare hands before he's even born.");
3) Zombie preparedness ("I am the only candidate who has a plan to protect America from the imminent zombie invasion and I will be harnessing the awesome power of zombies to create electric energy utilizing the latest in giant hamster wheel technology."); and
4. Free ponies for all Americans ("A federal pony identification system and you must have your pony with you at all times.").
Reminds me of an old Bloom County cartoon where a Mondale delegate wanders into the Meadow Party by mistake and asks what they’ve got to run against Reagan. When told, IIRC, it was a hobo and a dead cat he shrugs and goes on in.