Posted on 01/09/2016 9:20:48 PM PST by nikos1121
Left work a little early yesterday to see a 4:30 showing of The Revenant starring Leonardo DiCaprio. I ended up in the slowest ticket line, but eventually got my annual $20 refillable popcorn tub, a bottle of lemonade and walked briskly to the theater since by then it was 4:50. I thought for sure I had missed the beginning, which is one my few pet peeves. Nope, previews were still on. Is America the only country where movies never start on the time posted? Thank, God for it.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a movie, longer still since I went to one alone. The Revenant had some great pre showing reviews, and trailers looked cool. I heard too that it was a very authentic Indian movie.
The most noticeable change here in West Georgia is that everyone picks the seats in the upper half of the room. The most coveted seats for young lovers used to be in the very top row. Not anymore. Judging from the gray beards and camouflaged hats, I’d say it’s now for people who are legally packing heat.
This day, for the first time in my life I would be too—my legally concealed 38 revolver. Don’t know why I did this, but I figured all the characters on screen would be, so why not me, too.
I found a seat right in the middle in the row overlooking the main aisle, unlike Bill Hickok, my back wasn’t against the wall, but I could still see everyone coming and going. The main attraction finally starts. It’s 4:55 on the dot.
I’m not going to go into much of the story as I assume only those who’ve seen the movie will read this post, but I’m puzzled by few things, and much of this is because I’m a doctor whose practice includes advanced wound care. Some of it, is a bit of a stretch.
The movie is indeed probably one of the most authentic Indian movies you’ll ever see with attention to detail. They even speak Indian, with subtitles provided.
1. Does the director know anything about hyperthermia or frostbite? I mean how many seconds or minutes does one have, once they’re immersed in close to zero degree water? These guys ever see the movie Titanic?
2. The bear scene is pretty real looking, but where in the heck does Drudge get this crazy idea that the mama Grizzly “rapes†Glass, DiCaprio’s character? Rape as in how and what?
3. Glass, sustains wounds throughout that are beyond life threatening no doubt, including where he has a fistula going from his esophagus to the outside that he closes up with, gun powder? And he gets sewed up, and the sutures are in place for like more than ten days? Maybe longer? And they don’t get massively infected? Come on, man.
4. Fitzgerald and the young Bridger are walking aimlessly by foot until they come upon an Indian settlement that has been destroyed and ransacked. There is one survivor a young girl, and Bridger leaves her some food. Who is the girl? Is that Powaqa, the chief’s lost daughter? If so, how did she end up later with the French at their encampment where she is raped at will by them? If it’s not her, then what’s the point for the scene to begin with?
5. Where did Fitzgerald and Bridger get their horses all of a sudden? You mean to tell me, with horses scarce, the French left a couple there at the massacre site? Come on, Man.
6. Glass finds Powaqa eventually by chance, captured by the French; I assume these are the same French guys who earlier traded, the Indians, five of their horses. If so, that means they had Powaqa hidden in their campsite earlier in the film when the Indians, with Powaqa’s father, came there to sell them the stolen American hides? If not, this is a new group of French, but in this rescue scene they mention the five horses.
7. The French find Glass in their midst. They out man him like twenty to one. Glass fires “one shotâ€, just one shot, and they scatter? Come ON, man.
8. And where does Powaqa go? Why not at least a few minutes of her with Glass? I mean one encounter, and we’ll be convinced that she’ll remember who he is later at a distance?
9. Throughout the film you get the clear idea that bow and arrows can out fight soldiers and trappers who have to reload their “flint locks.†These guys from the onset of the film never miss, then in a scene the Indians attack him, dozens of them, and they’re missing left and right from close range. And who are these Indians, the same ones from the beginning who are searching for Powaqa, and if so was she with them when they attacked Glass, and if so why didn’t she recognize them.
10. Am I seeing things, while fleeing the Indians on bareback, in this scene, he shoots his flint lock pistol twice? Twice? Or does he now have two pistolos? How the heck did he reload, while riding bareback? Come on, MAN.
11. To flee the Indians Glass eventually falls over a cliff with his horse and his fall is cushioned by him sliding down a large spruce. So, in addition to all the wounds he already has, he survives the fall? COME on, man.
12. Glass strips down naked, yes naked, and climbs into his dead horse’s hide, after spending what seems like forever taking its entails out. He leaves his shoes, shirt, socks and coat outside. Next morning he stretches, pushes his way out, and then I assume puts on the same clothes that have been hanging out overnight in subzero temperatures. Come on, man.
13. Some lone French guy comes to the American encampment? Who is this guy? Is he one of the French who had kidnapped Powaqa? What is he jabbering about? He seems to know where Glass is. How? And why aren’t they a little bit nice to him, and offer him something to eat?
14. Then they find Glass, and after one hot bath, just one with all these wounds, most of them dehisced, he’s fit as a fiddle? Come on, man.
15. Then there’s the scene where for some reason the Indians, now with Powaqa, they recognize him and leave without killing him. So, now she recognizes him, and tells her, Dad, that’s the white man who rescued me, all this from 100 feet, and Glass has the same Cro-Magnon look every other mountain man has? And they walk by him without even a thank you? COME ON MAN!!!!
16. And why is it called The Revenant to begin with? You get the feeling that they left a lot of scenes out that may have cleared some of these questions, and for sure I would have liked to have seen a little more of Glass together with Powaqa, I mean at least spend one night together. Instead, for 120 minutes we’re watching a guy, in sub-zero temperatures, getting beat to a pulp from the elements and people and he lives.
DiCaprio does a great job showing us he can take punishment. He gets his butt kicked more than any other character that comes to mind, but you could have put just about anyone else in the role with the same performance. He doesn’t say much the whole time, just gets beat up and grunts. If he wins the academy award, it’s not because he’s in a great picture, it’s because he gave us the illusion that he can sustain multiple traumas, eat raw buffalo liver, speak Indian fluently without cutting the scenes, and sleep naked in a horse hide. In fact, that fleeting sight of his skinny @ss, in that scene will probably do it for him.
I give this 2½ out of 4 stars. I suggest you bring a blanket.
F-off.
I don't really have anything else to say in our non-conversation, but I just couldn't pass up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to blurt out such an emotionally-charged expletive like that, even if is IS cheating a little bit by quoting.
You take care. Oh, and be sure to vote for Trump. :-)
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