I agree with you and I honor you and your family for your devotion.
My mother suffered a catastrophic stroke. I’ve never seen anyone so sick. I didn’t know what to do. I’m not going to lie and say I took her home, because I didn’t. She had tubes down her throat, and a stomach tube for feeding. I just couldn’t tend to those. She went from the hospital to a nursing home, but she was only there for six days.
I may have been a coward, and I do live with regrets.
Six days is not enough time and I said at the end about exceptions
Money
Space
Time
Intensive care
Incontinence.....this is really the big one to be honest....cleaning poop from an invalid is real life
Some folks can’t do it
Some people are spooked by someone croaking in their home
Etc
Long term total invalid care for someone who doesn’t remember who you are is a tough call
I’ve never faced that one.....I would probably cop out
I think my beef is about warehousing viable older relatives
Or on very personal note...my mother refused to let my dad die at home....about two months care...astrocytoma...she had POA......he had really given her a helluva life...but she didn’t want people in the home 24/7 and the spooky part us....it’s tough.....u can’t run from it in the house
Fast forward 12 years and she died at home in bed...cared for 24/7 by old school southern black matrons with her little ringy bell and hospice....and me
You ever watch Southern Charm on Bravo....Patricia Altschul......that’s my mother sans the Birken bags....she was tight....
I’m very duty oriented....it’s genetic
But it can be lonely at the top....