All I can offer is this amazing quote from the latest Hobbit movie:
Tauriel: “Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Tharanduil: “Because it was real.” (Where “it” refers to your love for each other.)
Do not be afraid or ashamed to cry. Nothing else will be as effective at healing the hurt. It’s what your soul needs. It’s how you know that your love was real, that your life together mattered, and that your life is still worth living — because your future happiness is the one thing he would want more than anything.
I was thinking of the same quote from the same movie.
The loss of a loved one brings the greatest emptiness. Don’t fall into the dark side. Be strong and pray for guidance.