I anxiously await the establishment of the FBWTF (Federal Bottom-Wiping Task Force), as none of us could possibly cope with any sort of personal issues without regulation and guidance from a large federal bureaucracy.
Risk jail time for violating the ban on assault toilet paper.
This is just the result of the Colleges making so much money they hit the Demonic-rat radar. Fear not; Mr. University President, you can obtain whatever rating you want with a donation to the Demonic-rat party.