Posted on 08/11/2014 6:41:26 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Your very first day of college is filled with excitement — then you meet your new weirdo roommate.
Shipping off to school to live in a tiny cinderblock box with strangers is something everyone should experience, but when your creepy new roommate reveals they're a messy kleptomaniac with a passion for eating lip balm, it may be time to start thinking about off-campus residencies next semester.
Don't worry incoming freshman, Thanksgiving break is just around the corner.
(Excerpt) Read more at mashable.com ...
My freshman roommate snored like crazy. It sounded like an unmuffled, idling car engine.
I would keep a broom next to my bed to poke him when it got too loud. First a poke, then a second, stronger poke. If that didn’t work, a smash on his chest.
We actually become pretty good friends.
You got lucky with the boredom guy.
One year my roommate never bathed or showered. Never. Bathed. Or. Showered.
*shudder*
The next year my roomie supplemented her college fund doing a little ‘moonlighting’ as a lady of the night.
It was the last time I ever saw him.
I opened the door to the four-bedroom apartment, and the entire apartment was ankle-deep in trash. No exaggeration. Apparently, he never took out the trash. Fortunately, there weren't too many horseflies, because he killed them with RAID. The empty canisters were scattered all over the apartment.
But the best was yet to come. I put down my cooler with food and opened the refrigerator door. I was hit by a blast wave of hot stench. Apparently, he wasn't paying his electric bill, and the electricity had been shut off. Needless to say, he never emptied the fridge. The entire fridge was a solid green ball of mold.
True story.
It took a long time to clean that apartment.
It took a long time to clean that apartment.
Did you apply for financial assistance since it was a “superfund hazmat site.”
“The first day I met my second roommate...he vomited on his girlfriend while they were having sex and he then urinated on his pile of porn.”
That’s a total “Tucker Max” story.
My first weekend at school a very shy kid (not my roommate) got progressively drunker and ended up occupying my suite’s bathroom the entire night, vomiting on everything. He is now a Texas Supreme Court Justice. I kid you not.
Mine was engrossed in Dungeons and Dragons 24/7. The most bizarre phone conversations I ever heard. I can only imagine the alternate reality games that guy lives in today.
When I was in Basic we had a guy who would walk into the shower with his underwear on and then take it off to use as a wash towel. The kid stunk so bad our Drill Sergeant suggested a blanket party would help the kid change his ways.
It worked.....
...and he had horrible sleep apnea. Most nights I woke up to him snoring every other hour!
He moved.
Next roommate was the most flamboyant gay man in the world who turned our room into a hairdresser's shop. He attempted to take over the entire damned room. By far one of the most inconsiderate person I have ever met.
He moved.
Third and last Freshman year roommate was one of the thousands of Lebanese students sent to the US by the Hareri Foundation. He was a couple years older than me, Muslim, could drink me under the table.
He learned English so fast and studied very hard. One of the best people I have ever known and was very proud to call him a friend.
We lost touch and I miss him to this day. Hope things turned out for him and the other top notch Lebanese people I came to know through him.
Sorry, meant that for a different thread. I’ll ask to have it deleted.
I had some good roommates. My only bad roommate experience was a guy who brought girls to the room. You can guess. I walked in one day, was face to face with his bare butt, him on top of an girl. I sputtered that I would come back later
#7 sounds kind of fun.
I nearly killed my first roommate. Didn’t really mean to, just didn’t like him. He had allergies. I showed up and he was assigned to the same room in the dorm. Preppy type, belonged in a fraternity.
Anyway, I went out and got a good mess of golden rod and stuffed it in the AC vent. How was I to know he would get so choked up he had to go to the ER?
He left for an apartment or something. I never saw him again.
Next guy was a harmless country boy that listened to the pointer sisters every night before going to sleep. That record got misplaced. I had warned him.
May—July 1958, Ft..Jackson, by chance?
Ours always wore a leather motorcycle Jacket. Note the months.
First roommate was a psycho with serious mommy issues. Never said “she’s a nice girl.” It was always “that b****” or worse. He went after Asian girls because he thought they would be submissive. Wanted to be a doctor like dad but had hairdresser mom’s brains. Took 22 hours the semester I lived with him, and would pull all-nighters studying while on speed. B’s weren’t going to get him to med school though. Once I came into the room to see him pointing a .357 out the window, saying “I could kill that b****. I could kill that dick, too.”
Waaaaaay too tightly wrapped.
1978: My roomie was sexing one of the cafeteria girls in our room so I went down to the dorm lobby and watched football with the current NFL Commish.
You know that b*****d? I’m surprised he was watching football, since from everything I can tell he hates that sport. Please tell me you know something I can blackmail with into resigning.
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