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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 08/01/2014 5:50:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

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1 posted on 08/01/2014 5:50:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

INFIDEL




CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



2 posted on 08/01/2014 5:51:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen
Somewhere in the top 10!!!

Early one morning, an elderly retired Navy pilot yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama depicting the six years of the Obama presidency!"

She yelled back, "Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast."



Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail...

but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.



A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing....
I'm seeing bumper stickers that say, "RUN HILLARY RUN"

I've noticed that the Democrats put them on the rear bumper and Republicans put them on the front bumper.


Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister."

"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me, we got 'em all."


Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
When you care enough to send the very best...
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
             ~ Rodney Dangerfield
A guy had a major argument with his wife. After storming away and cooling off, the guy reconsidered his position and realized he was clearly in the wrong. So to make it up to his wife he said he'd buy her a gift.

"Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need."

The following day he booked her for chemotherapy.

3 posted on 08/01/2014 5:51:54 AM PDT by upchuck (It's a shame nobama truly doesn't care about any of this. Our country, our future, he doesn't care.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yea!!! It’s Friday!!


4 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:31 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

top ten?


5 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:51 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: Lucky9teen

THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8. Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?


6 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:59 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: Lucky9teen

7 posted on 08/01/2014 5:54:12 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF


8 posted on 08/01/2014 5:55:42 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: upchuck

Woooooooooo whooooooooo
Friday...top ten


9 posted on 08/01/2014 5:56:16 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen

Those are excellent!


10 posted on 08/01/2014 5:56:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!!!!


11 posted on 08/01/2014 5:57:06 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lucky9teen

12 posted on 08/01/2014 5:58:55 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen



13 posted on 08/01/2014 6:04:44 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen
                               
14 posted on 08/01/2014 6:05:05 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: upchuck
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill".

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white". The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael, he's a doctor". A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead".

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching". Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

15 posted on 08/01/2014 6:05:51 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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16 posted on 08/01/2014 6:06:38 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Dead Corpse

17 posted on 08/01/2014 6:07:39 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: upchuck
Don't touch the cat.
18 posted on 08/01/2014 6:07:41 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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19 posted on 08/01/2014 6:10:30 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 08/01/2014 6:10:50 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Elian Gonzalez sought asylum and was sent back to Cuba, send these kids back to THEIR parents.)
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