Julie,
I second the advice about going to AA. I just celebrated 4 years in May and I couldn’t have done it without AA. You can’t do it alone. But you have to stop blaming other people for causing you to drink. You have to take responsibility for your sobriety. It’s tough at the beginning, but AA will give you support. Just keep going to meetings and listen and keep listening. Take it one day at a time, or one minute at a time if necessary. Read the Big Book. Get honest with yourself. You can start over - life really does get better when you stop drinking. Hang onto the promises - “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly”, but things DO get better. Get a sponsor - do the steps - they change you from the inside. They say in AA that it’s an inside job and it is. You learn humility and it stops being just about you. Please just go - you’ll meet people who will love you until you can love yourself. God bless you - with His help you can do this!
Very well said!