Posted on 05/30/2014 6:15:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Speaking of stupid hashtags, it’s time for a new tagline.
Nerd vandalism.
OBAMA BINGO!
Rules for Obama Bingo
1. Before Barrack Obama’s next televised speech, prepare your “Bulls$$t Bingo” card by drawing a square.
I find that 5” x 5” is a good size — and dividing it into columns —five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
. Restored our reputation
. Strategic fit
. Let me be clear
. Make no mistake
. Back from the brink
. Signs of recovery
. Out of the loop
. Benchmark
. Job creation
. Fiscal restraint
. Win-win
. Affordable health care
. Previous Administration
. Greed on Wall Street
. At the end of the day
. Empower (or empowerment)
. Touch base
. Mindset
. Corporate greed
. Ballpark
. Game plan
. Leverage
. Inherited as in “I inherited this mess”
. Relief for working families (alternate - “unprecedented”)
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout
“BULLS$$T!”
Testimonials from past satisfied “Bulls$$t Bingo” players:
“I had been listening to the speech for only five minutes when I won.” - Jack W., Boston
“My attention span during speeches has improved dramatically.” - David D., Florida
“What a gas! Speeches will never be the same for me after my first win.” - Bill R., New York City
“The atmosphere was tense in the last speech as 14 of us waited for the fifth box.” - Ben G., Denver
“The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed “BULLS$$T!” for the third time in two hours.” - Harry A, Chantilly
“This is the most fun I have ever had with m pants up!” - Robert H. Portland
_____
As for additional phases - there are plenty to select from, for example...
Make No Mistake
It won’t happen overnight
There will be setbacks and false starts
Change isn’t easy
Oops. my bad.
We can’t wait to fundamentally change America.
To have change we can believe in.
Win the future.
Greater together.
Making an America built to last.
Special Notice: Although they were completely reliable prior to November 2013, don’t use “if you like your (plan, doctor, etc)”, although ‘period’ still works.
This game will also comfirm that it’s very easy to rely on clichés and use catch phrases to make points and sway individuals as it relies on nothing more than “smoke and mirrors.” The key is playing to what everyone wants without promising anything and letting them think you have made a commitment to what each wants while saying nothing.
Here’s an example:
“Let me be clear, we can’t wait to fundamentally change America; and, to have change we can believe in and win the future, we have to be greater together in making an America built to last.”
This simple sentence put together using catch phrases means nothing, promises nothing, and explains nothing, but someone would swear it did because of what is read into it. It’s a shame that in the battle of the wits, some are unarmed.
$5.37!
That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the
kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change
when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, “It’s OK. I’ll just give you the senior citizen discount.”
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me.
“Only $4.68” he said cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?
A mere child!
Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?
I’ll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter,
and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something
and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I now?
A toddler?
“Dude! Can’t get too far without your car keys, eh?”
I stared with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!
“Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!”
I turned and headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t turn.
What now?
I checked my keys and tried another.
Still nothing.
That’s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus:
The car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.
A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo balboa, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot,
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I
felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,
and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish.
All I could think was,
“What is the world coming to?”
All I could say was, “Did I leave my food and drink in here”?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.
He was holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained,
“I think you left this in my truck by mistake.”
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words:
“It’s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time.”
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I’m not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
*h/t smokingfrog*
"I wish I knew how to quit you."
"Reggie was first. I can't quit him. You have to let me go"
The body language from Carney is very telling. He is repulsed and wants to pull his arm away.
Maybe for Jay, but it’s normal for mac daddy.
#Patrick
Re #25:
Adam Siska was in the hospital where they tried to pry his two foot wide smile off his 9 inch wide face.
They also tried to keep his pants from splitting apart but were unsuccessful. Therefore they covered his waist with a sheet, but it looked like he had a mountain under it. They then hit him with a wooden baton. That did it. No more mountain!
In the old days we would have non-PC said, “Looks like the Bass got some Ass” but we can’t say that today, can we?
#86: Carney to Barack Obama (old BO). “Hey boss, you have BO. We have deodorant here in America. Use it or I’m quiting”.
“The white brother I never had”.
“If I had a son, he’s ....”
#smucks!
BO: “I’m going to miss you, my little ballerina”.
NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND...
You cannot read these without laughing.
They’re real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district.
Spellings have been left intact.
1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday..
She had the shits. (BEST ONE)
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.
He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found itmonday. We thought it was sunday.
17.. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat,
her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever.
There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
I’m applauding your story! Too funny! Thanks for posting this. #AgeIsJustA#
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.