LOL! However, I've been on the "Eat to Live" regimen espoused by Dr. Joel Fuhrman for 18 months (more like 80%). Simply put, it's a diet based on "beans and greens".
Without getting too graphic, the regimen promotes regularity, so much so that gas isn't a problem. I'll just leave it at that.
I know what you’re saying—beans, whole grains, cruciform vegetables. Better than being constipated, I suppose. I think your body builds up a tolerance as far as the gas is concerned. But this tolerance doesn’t seem to last long. Go a few weeks or months without beans and you have to start all over again. You can see the appeal of the high protein, bacon-and-egg type diets.