What if your beer is stolen from you? Then what?
Just tap a beer tree.
Find Bigfoot and make a deal to share with him if he helps find the bass terd who done took it.
Ask Bigfoot to use the thief like drum stick and beat the thief up against a tree.
Problem solved....new friend.
Pretty sure that rude would spit some Beechnut in that dude's eye and shoot him with his old .45...