[Liberty Valance]

..A RETIREE’S LAST TRIP TO KROGER’S..
Yesterday I was at my local Kroger’s grocery
buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal
pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I
had a dog.

What did she think...I had an elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on
impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet
and that the way that it works is, to load your
pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was
going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her
no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car
hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a
heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Kroger’s won’t let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They
have all the time in the world to think of crazy
things to say.

[JoeProBono]

Been there done that;-{)

[Exeter]

ROTFLMAO!! I’m so glad I set my coffee down before reading that! I’m filing this away w/all those other comments that I hope one day to have just the right opportunity to use...

[goat granny]

Last month my daughter was helping me on the computer, learning a new thing about said computer...The phone is next to my computer and at my age the ins and outs of some computer tasks is confusing. The phone rang and it was not a robo call, those are usually just hang ups for me...the guy on the phone was selling life insurance and I was ticked at the call. I told him that life insurance is interesting as I was sitting here with a gun to my head and I asked him if he thought I should pull the trigger or not. The guy did not hang up on me but the phone went silent so I just hung up. I think thats one company that won't call me again....******later I did feel sorry for telling some poor fellow that, but darn it I didn't need the interruption..