I can appreciate your dilemma, but I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced anything like it. I come from an ethnic group that does things differently-especially rural people like my folks-someone would be disowned/shunned by the family for what is commonly done in some modern cultures-especially the lying-and another relative would move mom in with them and protect her and her stuff, further disgracing the other relative-like the aunt I mentioned awhile back who has all the Chinese stuff-everyone finds it gaudy, but when she is gone, someone will treasure it all the same out of love and remembrance. Seems harsh and even primitive, I know but I was raised in that culture, where reverence for the wishes of, and responsibility for elders has been part of it for hundreds of years.
Mom is fiercly independent; and we tried to get her to move to WI with us, but she flatly refused. It was only because she broke her leg in the middle of the night and went to rehab that we got her to move to assisted living. She would rather be suffering on her own, I think. They treat her like a queen, but she really hates having to ask for things.
Medically she can no longer live on her own.