I wish you comfort in your period of grief. You did your best. I never cried as much as when I delivered Buddy, my black cat to the vets for putting down. He was extremely ill, I did not have the available funds to keep going. If I had not needed to drive away from the Humane Society afterward, I could have used a strong drink right then. I waited till I was home and had a Tequila Sunrise in safety of my living room.
Have faith that God will restore all we loved and lost in this life. That is my hope