“I am a federal bureaucrat.”
You are a parasite. A leech. A tick. A tapeworm. A vampire. You and your legions have suffocated every government since the dawn of time from Egypt to Ecuador. Every dime you make is a dime thrown down a rathole. You do nothing, and if by some accident you do make some contribution, it is at twice the cost and half the efficiency of your counterpart (if there even IS one) in the private sector.
Your wages are paid by stealing food from the mouths of babies. Sloth is your watchword and villainy your creed. Remember that line from the Declaration of Independence, in which Jefferson praised King George for “sen[ding] hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance”? You don’t? Neither do I. That’s because he DIDN’T praise the king; he cited those officers as a casus belli — justification for war! YOU are the modern-day agents of the sorry “king” that now squats in the White House. If you and the rest of your horde vanished tomorrow, the only impact would be cheaper parking in DC.
To call you worthless is to devalue worthlessness.
Bless your heart, Jack.