Posted on 08/30/2013 5:40:13 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
A doctor from Israel says: “In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles,put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work.”
The German doctor comments: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”
*A Russian doctor says: “That’s nothing either.***** In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.”
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: “That’s nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA, about 5years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole country is looking for work. “
Stuff you didn’t know you didn’t know!
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:
61,000
—————— -———— -———— -———— -———— Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter ‘A’?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father’s Day
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In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...’Goodnight , sleep tight’
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.’ . . .
It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill , they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2013 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries...
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list .
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW you’re LAUGHING at yourself! Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused!” (Unknown Author)
Democrat twerking, eh?
One day, while visiting a shopping center in Chappaqua NY, little Johnny was going to the Market with his Mom when he spotted former President of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton walking through a crowd of admirers, Bill was apparently headed for the Dry Cleaner as he was carrying laundry.
“They’re coming this way!” Exclaimed one excited woman.
Another Man told his wife “Hurry! Get a picture of them before they leave!”
Little Johnny was confused, “Mom, I don’t understand, why are people referring to Mr. Clinton in the plural? I see only one man and a wrinkled up old empty pants suit.”
“Why Johnny” Said his Mom. “Don’t tell me you don’t recognize Mr. Clinton’s wife!”
It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’
Naw, that's from the typesetting trade, where letters are mirror images. The printed 'p' is a 'q' in type.
there’s a big difference in “smart” and “educated”.
i work with “educated” people all day. i think the jaitor is smarter than nearly all of them put together.
that’s not silly, because it’s true.
my mom’s church is getting pretty close to that. pastor still talks, but everything else is almost dead on.
5.56mm
5.56mm
Awww....Monkey loves Kitteh!
Thanks, Ben!
Very true. And the more educated they are the stupider they are. All my life I felt inferior to that cousin, when it turns out I have more sense and intelligence than she does.
Yes, there is a God!!
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”
Velociraptor, not T-Rex...even more badass.
LOL! I love it!
The late Igor (my ex-spouse) used to call them “educated idiots.” He should have known: He WAS one! LOL!
Poor Igor!
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