I have always found Dave Grossman’s claims to be dubious. People have been very effectively killing others outside their group for all of human experience.
It is possible for humans to integrate feelings of goodwill toward strangers, but mostly that would be Christian experience or a philosophy that is taught them.
The historical and archeological evidence is that men kill strangers very easily.
I highly recommend War before Civilization: The Myth of the Peaceful Savage
http://www.amazon.com/War-Before-Civilization-Peaceful-Savage/dp/0195119126
Dittos to the book recommendation. It is an excellent read.
Thanks, I will hunt this book down.