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Here’s my advise to Californians thinking about moving to Texas.

Dear Californians,
Don’t believe Texas is where you want to be. It’s hot and humid, we have fire ants and hurricanes. Property taxes will kill you if some six shooter toting drunk don’t first. Yeah there’s that Austin enclave of ex-Californians but we don’t recognize that as Texas anymore, even if they are holding the capital hostage. Course Dallas ain’t much better but least it’s near Ft Worth and Arlington, what they call up there the Metrosexualplex or something. You won’t want to breathe the air around Houston, or up in the Piney Woods if you’ve got allergies like most of you sissy’s do. And you won’t find that California cuisine thing called presentation or plating with the little artichoke in the middle of the plate neither, you’ll be lucky to see the dang plate with a big ole chicken fried steak hanging off the edges. Trust me, everything is bigger in Texas and that little Prius you love is going to be blown off the road by some real woman in an F-250 on our soon to be posted 85mph highways. It might make you feel at home to see so many Mexicans but ours have been here long as the country has and they work, hard like Texans like to do. So please for your own sake stay in California or move to Portland, Seattle, or Denver, you’ve already screwed them up.
Love ya
Bubba