When George Burns was 93, he was at a party.
It was after midnight and he had a whiskey in one hand, and a cigar in the other.
“What does your doctor say about your lifestyle?” somebody asked.
“Oh, he died long time ago,” replied George.
Man goes to the doctor and says “Doc, I’m worried about my sex life. Can’t seem to make it like I used to.
DOcotr says, “Here’s what I want you to do. Walk ten miles every day and then call me in a week.”
A week later the man calls the doctor. Doctor asks “Did you walk ten miles a day like I told you?”
“Yes.”
“How’s our sex life now?”
“I don’t know. I’m seventy miles from home.”
W.C. Fields was asked about his drinking habits -
“Why Mr Fields! What would your father say if he knew you drank a 5th of gin a day?!!”
“What would he say about me drinking a 5th a day ? Why he’d call me a sissy!”