Replies

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Responce to: Women think Dogs Are Better Than Men and say dogs...

1. "Always think women are smart and don’t make fun of their shortcomings."

That is because dogs are smarter than most guys and not stupid enough to believe women when they are demanded to state a true opinion. They just keep on smiling away...

2. "Dogs are willing to sleep on a rug and fetch on command."

And this is different from being forced to sleep on the couch and perform countless HoneyDo's exactly how?

3. "Dogs spend less time worrying about hair loss."

True, but women who experience it think of nothing else but.

4. "(Their) Old buddies don’t show up on (the) doorstep unexpectedly."

That is because even dogs can reasonably expect to get a better reception than a guy's old friend. Less competition for time, just for starters.

5. "Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports."

Demonstrably False. Even obstacle courses, farthest jump into a pool to catch a frisbee, and sheepherding are now professional sports, and guys just love them!

6. "Your parents find them easier to like."

That's because most dogs are probably not as stupid as your last boyfriend.

7. "Dogs are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends."

*snort* Dogs are only jealous of Alpha Males.

8. "Dogs are willing to hold your purse in public."

Only because you don't force them to go shopping with you.

9. "(Dogs are) Unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play."

I dunno. I think it depends more on how often you define "play" as in "to imitate a log".

10. "Dogs don’t complain when you want to go for a walk."

Yeah? Try waking one up when they are attempting to take a nap too.

11. "Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more."

Unlike guys, dogs do not mind occasionally eating crap. But hey, if that's the kind of breath you prefer...

12. "Dogs tend to bath(e) themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so."

You and I obviously have quite different ideas of what constitutes a REAL dog. A cat, maybe.

13. "You can put a dog in a crate when you don’t feel like having it around."

Only if you love constant whining. Wait, what am I saying? A woman not understanding whining?

14. "Dogs expect to go outside on leashes... men think they can do everything on their own."

You think being expected to always sit there and listen with an interested expression every day while you 'talk about' your day is NOT being leashed? Not to mention being expected to ask permission before going "out" with the guys? Have another glass of wine, honey.

15. "Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public."

Dogs also do not have a problem licking their balls in public and humping your leg. What's your point?

16. "Dogs miss you when you’re gone."

Of course they do. After awhile, the lack of random whining spells gets you to the point where you begin to kind of miss it.

17. "You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you."

Of course not. After you get them de-nutted, they never have to "wonder" again.

18. "Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong."

Maybe. But that steak sure was delicious. And just wait until you step into the shower early in the morning...

19. "Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with."

That's because after one mistake, we guys all know better.

20. "Dogs don’t criticize your friends."

No, like most smart guys, we simply prefer to pee on their tyres when they are not looking. Or sometimes when they are.

21. "Dogs admit when they’re jealous."

Really? How can you tell? Do they pout and give you the "silent treament"?

22. "Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out."

Of course they are. When nature calls, you answer. Then again they do not seem to have a problem playing on the carpet they just peed on.

23. "Dogs do not play games with you — except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw)."

That's because like them, you also seem to have a problem with opposeable thumbs to play video games with, not to mention being totally clueless about "catch-the-squirrel" so they have a good idea of your limitations and stick with games you can participate in.

24. "Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together."

That's because dogs do not know what a Colonoscopy is. Usually.

25. "Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence."

Really? This from someone who has no idea what catch-the-squirrel is all about? They also do not undersand how you equate "intelligence" to "feelings". Kind of like most guys.

26. "You can train a dog."

And the dog will still run and fetch a lit stick of dynamite back to you, unlike any guy. But hey, if that's all that you care about...

27. "Dogs are easy to buy for."

You've obviously never brought a twelve-pack and chips over for a barbeque.

28. "Dogs are good with kids."

So are toilets. And mushrooms, although generally not at the same time.

29. "Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies."

Okay... and guys should feel like puppies because...? Or are you saying that extreme immaturity is some sort of goal you feel guys should want to achieve? Or perhaps unrestricted bowel movements are what you are really all about.

30. "You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams."

*snort* That's because dogs don't dream about beer and pretzels. Sniffing butts, maybe.

31. "Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous."

Oh, I dunno. A happy Irish Setter, a proud Husky, a cheerful Golden Retriever. I think they know.

32. "The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)"

You obviously have never undergone a divorce. With a vindictive lawyer opposing. As a male.

33. "Dogs understand what NO means."

Because they are reminded of it 24/7 -and they are smart enough to pretend ignorance when the command "the toilet needs cleaning" is uttered.

34. "Dogs don’t need therapy to undo their bad socialization."

No, because after you have them de-nutted, therapy is no help at all.

35. "Dogs don’t make a practice of killing their own species."

You mean unlike women?

36. "Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside."

And also, rolling about in a pile of rotting garbage is something they find perfectly acceptable as well.

37. "Dogs do not read at the table."

Or on the toilet. What's your point?

38. "You can house train a dog."

And yet, somehow, cats need no training at all...

39. "You can force a dog to take a bath."

But yet somehow they still do not laugh at your silly jokes, preferring instead to slowly suffer in silence.

40. "Dogs don’t correct your stories."

Neither do cats, however unlike dogs, cats are smart enough to just ignore you and walk away knowing it will be quite some time before you even realize they have left.

41. "Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner."

Yeah, after they've been "fixed" they really don't feel many needs at all...

42. "Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair."

I think only professional barbers seem to find hair of any concern.

43. "Dogs aren’t threatened by two women with short hair."

Dogs don't usually find poodles threatening either, so I fail to see where you are going with this...

44. "Dogs don’t mind if you do all the driving."

That's because after the first couple of near-misses, they know the only hope they have of getting back home in one piece is just accepting the fact that you are totally lost and hope that some nice street bum will point you eventually in the right direction, so they just sit there and moan quietly to themselves.

45. "Dogs love to dance."

And pee on you with happiness. What's your point?

46. "Dogs don’t step on the imaginary brake."

*snort* Yeah, like women would know what a "brake" is... Or the proper definition of "Lost".

47. "Dogs admit it when they’re lost."

This from the perpetually lost? Yeah, the Hari Krishna followers've got nothing on them there. Most of them admitted it when My Ex- suddenly started sporting that "If you don't like the way I drive, stay offa da sidewalk!" bumper sticker.

48. "Dogs don’t weigh down your purse with their stuff."

Why would they? You'd just make them carry it regardless.

49. "Dogs look at your eyes."

And your butt, quite intensely. Again, what's your point?

50. "Dogs like your size."

Only a woman would think what a dog thinks about your size is important.

51. "Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs."

That's because guys like non-hairy legs, and dogs, well, hairy or non-hairy they are going to hump it regardless.

52. "Dogs take care of their own needs."

Okay... time to wakey-wakey! How many Valium, exactly, DID you take? Dogs need to be trained to go outside, but cats arrive already knowing how to use the litterbox.

53. "Dogs are color blind."

Unlike women, I suppose. Women want colour blindness? That would be why so many stores have aisles of hair colour products on display, I suppose. Bats are colour-blind as well.

54. "Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do."

Let's face it, ANYONE makes more than a dog makes, even the kids at a lemonade stand. However, I understand if you feel the need to publicize how much you make for some reason. Let's talk about your father...

55. "Dogs mean it when they kiss you."

They mean it when they hump your leg too, but thankfully then their breath is usually not as close, especially since they habitually lick their butts as well then have no problem "kissing" you.

56. "Dogs are nice to your relatives."

Hey, here a leg-hump, there a leg-hump --what's not to like?

57. "Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them."

Ummm, OK, I'll take a guess here that you are not a real woman, are you?

58. "Dogs don’t care how you dress."

? And this is different from men how, exactly?