I think Dad recognized Mom as someone he regularly sees. When we walked in and he was sitting in the living room with the other residents, he got up when she waved to him.
It is sad, but there’s always something positive. She really enjoys visiting the Alzeimer’s residence. She knows everyone’s names and talks with them and gives them candy. And she said my brother told her she’s nicer than she used to be. (She said, “I thought I was pretty nice already!” and I assured her she was, but actually, I agree with Russ.)
Having Dad in the care facility makes it like babysitting someone else’s children. It’s much less stressful than having full responsibility.
Wellnow. In my experience, I’ve learned that with very few exceptions, as we age, we become more tolerant in the areas that we are called upon to visit. Some folks, of course, get more crotchety with age, but again, in my experience, those are the people who have been left alone. They have no reason to improve who they are.
Your mother probably had a mental image of herself for years, and unbeknownst to her, she actually grew into when she wasn’t even aware. If she is happy with who she is, and how she interacts with other people, then good on her!
I’m sure that leaving your dad’s care to professionals has given your mother a lot of freedom that she would have had, had your dad not contracted Alzheimer’s. When I was in Texas, my aide’s mother had Alzheimer’s, and out of eleven children, my aide was the One Designated to care for her mom.
It was frustrating for her because she didn’t understand the disease, and no one else was willing to care for the mom, even for a day. I don’t know if the mom is still alive, but she celebrated her 75th birthday when I was there, and though she often forgot my name, she remembered I was a friend of her daughter.
One of her sons came whom she hadn’t seen in several years, and even though she had seem him once the day of the party, at the party that evening, she asked him when he had gotten into town, and why was he there.
And then I think ... “knock on wood.” I am so fortunate!