“There is no “side” to the husband here. He is in the wrong by having a regular, “uncontrollable” pasttime of pornography. I don’t care if they have sex 10 times a day or once a year. It is IRRELEVANT to what he’s doing.”
No, it’s not. It is relevant, and that relevant information is not provided. It can be controlled. That’s the point. If it couldn’t be fixed, then there’s no point in seeking therapy.
Do you believe that a husband’s body belongs to his wife or the wife to her husband’s?
“He then gets a pass for the sin of lust or adultery?”
No, he doesn’t. However, to fix the problem of his porn use the solution requires them figuring out how to talk to each other to meet each other’s needs.
Before anything else. Before even the porn. If you can’t go to your wife and tell her that you want sex and have an adult conversation about it then there is a communication problem.
You spoke lots about sacrifice... this is part of how a wife will sacrifice to her husband. We hear all the time about how a husband is supposed to work and provide for his wife, but precious little ink spilled on this.
Why? This isn’t controversial - the comparison is exactly the same. Both are husbandly duties and both are wifely duties.
“you seem intent on justifying.”
I’m intent on showing that a husband and wife are supposed to have sex with one another. Them not having sex = problems. Is that the case here? I don’t know. Is it a possibility? Absolutely.
Fine. Then perhaps the husband needs to be part of the next pastoral visit or counseling session. To this point, he has refused. He knows his wife knows about the porn. They've had conversations. He knows it's a problem, and has "tried to stop with his own efforts." That hasn't worked and he isn't willing yet to do anything else, besides continue wallowing in the gutter.
Could there be "more" to the story? Are there "issues" between this couple that need resolving? Undoubtedly so. But the article is not purporting to be about THE COUPLE seeking help. Only SHE did. Had they come to the author/counselor together seeking intervention and advice, I could see your point and understand your questions delving into further issues. But the husband has chosen NOT to take part. The author/counselor is left with the correct decision to give advice to the ADULT who DID seek help.
In the sense of ownership? No. In the sense of mutually exclusive commitment? Of course.
No, he doesn’t [get a pass on porn]. However, to fix the problem of his porn use the solution requires them figuring out how to talk to each other to meet each other’s needs.
Then he will need to find it within himself to do that. She is no more responsible for his unwillingness or inability to do that than the man on the moon.
I’m intent on showing that a husband and wife are supposed to have sex with one another. Them not having sex = problems. Is that the case here? I don’t know. Is it a possibility? Absolutely.
As far as I know, there is no sex quota delineated in the Bible or anywhere that married couples are compelled to follow. It's very, very difficult for me reading your statements not to hear you saying that she needs to have sex with him anytime he demands it. Sorry, FRiend, that's just what comes across here, and with it, your de facto belief that this guy's porn problem can and should be his wife's responsiblity.
Actually, I never said a word about sacrifice.
I just wanted to tell you that you’re bringing up important questions on this thread, and it’s really annoying me the flippant responses you’re getting.
What if she likes it too, and it is a part of the couple's sexual play?