Actually, I don’t think that going to a pastor *first* will be of much help. It took years for this problem to develop and it will take a long time to dismantle it. Only then will the pastor be of help, but by then, he *will* be of help.
To start with, he needs a psychological *diagnosis*, because there could be all sorts of underlying reasons for this, including inability to be intimate; obsessive compulsion; compelled perversion; neurotic fixation; you name it, there can be some real spider’s nests in his head. But until you know what kind, getting rid of it is very hit and miss.
In some cases, there might even be an organic problem with his brain, in which this could be a *symptom*, of something much worse, even lethal.
But a “best case” would be that he has been sociopathically conditioned, he’s trained himself, to only get a libido response from porn. I say “best case” because this is the easiest to treat, possibly just with marriage and sex counseling. That is, he trained to get it, and his training can be redirected away from it in a more appropriate direction.
In any event, after punching through these things, hopefully he will be on the mend, and *that* is when he will need a lot of spiritual help and support, and a pastor will really be helpful. By then he should again be in a team with his wife, working together.
“By then he should again be in a team with his wife, working together.”
This is key. They are working at confrontation, cross purposes and not together. Telling her to go see a ‘support group’, does nothing to address this.