I find two books to be quite good. Nate Larkin wrote a book entitled Samson and the Pirate Monks in which he describes his own journey as a pastor addicted to pornography and his path out of the pit. Nate has established a 12 step program that is helping men across the country. He has a short video where he gives his story.
A book I find even better is Surfing for God by Michael John Cusick. Cusick's contention matches what I have found in my life and in those guys I work and pray with. He says pornography addiction isn't about sex. I know guys with really hot wives, with active and satisfying sexual lives who are trapped in porn. And it's not the level of a man's sex drive that results in a bondage to pornography.
Pornography can get to the point where there is absolutely no pleasure in it and no sexual release from it, yet the guy cannot stop doing porn.
Cusick's title Surfing for God reflects his contention that a man who goes surfing the web for porn is really surfing for a spiritual connection: he's surfing for God.
I know a guy whose porn binges occur when he has financial stresses. Another guy has issues when there is death nearby. A friend plunges into porn when his wife becomes overly critical. Stress at work is another fellow's danger sign.
I don't see that accountability groups and accountability software is valuable. I'm perfectly capable of lying to my accountability partners and capable of getting around software if I so desire. But I do have prayer partners who call for prayer and to talk when they are facing the temptations or even the triggers they have recognized. I recently found myself tempted not by porn but by a couple of gorgeous women. I texted my brothers and they prayed for as long as I was stuck in the place where they were. I showed my wife the texts when we got to the car.
In my experience this is a heart thing. I resisted temptation for years without delving into porn, but it was raging in my heart. I was a Christian stuck in Romans 7.
For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I was a born-again Pharisee. I was keeping the outside of the cup clean and pristine while the inside was filled with sewage.
it wasn't until I had a literal come to Jesus meeting about anger that God gave me a new heart that was free from the draw of porn. I wouldn't dare go test it out but I have gone years without the slightest desire for it. I can honestly say I would rather die than go back to where I was.
Shortly after that God threw me into fellowship with a bunch of Christian men. I was very much a loner before that. I don't think I could have survived in freedom without men walking beside me. They know they can call on me at 3:00 AM for help with no questions asked. They know they can kick my butt if I need it.
Sorry for the long dump, but I see a lot of stuff on this thread that is well intentioned but comes from a lack of experience. I know guys who have kicked drugs but could not shake porn. Pornography is a harsh taskmaster and does not let go easily.
BTW ladies, if your husband is doing porn compulsively, it most likely is not a reflection on you nor is it an indication he does not love you. It's the bondage of sin. Pray for his freedom in Christ Jesus.
Don’t apologize. I’m not trying to blame the women it’s important to get to the actual cause of what is going on. There’s lots of different possibilities as to what it could be.
But, the unhelpful advice posted by the article isn’t going to actually address and get to the bottom of the problem. Like I said - it’s all about ‘finding the need’. The wife needs to address this head on if she wants to help her husband.
Thanks for your thoughts!
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The comments on the thread are more interesting than the article. Gitmo's comment is well worth reading especially.
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