“Okay... okay... who is the LEAST drunk among us?”
“I’m okay to drive.”
“Okay, Ted’s driving.”
If they think it’s anything more complex than that, they obviously don’t remember their college years.
Back in the day, we used to have a designated drunk. Have the first guy go out and stumble his way to a car and take off. If there were any cops lurking, they would follow that car. Then the rest of us could take off with a clear path.