I don't understand... doesn't everyone stand in support of their team?
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it is really “after light”?
12. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?
In Heaven.
And it's a comedy.
And the audience is in stitches ALL THE TIME.
“1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?”
Lucas once made a vacuum cleaner. It’s the only product they ever offered that didn’t suck.
The three-position Lucas switch - dim, flicker and off.
The other three-position Lucas switch - smoke, smolder and burn.
Someone once told Joseph Lucas his electrical components suffered from short circuits. His solution: longer wires.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because they have Lucas refrigerators.
Anyone who’s ever owned a British car will know what I’m talking about. :)
I don't understand... doesn't everyone stand in support of their team?
“23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?”
For that matter, why is “monosyllabic” such a long word?
From an old Gunsmoke episode, Doc asks Festus why he didn’t learn to read. Festus replies:
“If I was to learn to read writin’, how would I know that the person that was writin’ the writin’ was writin’ the writin’ right? I might be reading wrong writin’, don’t you see?”
Guess it isn't love.