Posted on 01/11/2013 4:24:19 AM PST by Lucky9teen
When we are born, we are cold, wet, and screaming. Life only gets worse.
The tax assessor wanted to visit Farmer Joe's farm. Knowing that assessments never fail to go up, Farmer Joe refused him entry. The assessor insisted he could get a warrant. Farmer Joe didn't budge.
Several hours later, the assessor returned and showed Farmer Joe a piece of paper. "This paper," the assessor informed him, "gives me the authority to go anywhere on your farm I please."
Farmer Joe said, "Be my guest. The pasture's unlocked."
So, the assessor went out and entered the pasture to begin his assessment. He was about halfway to the barn when he heard a snort emanating from its dark, cavernous interior. The assessor froze in his tracks. It was too late, for the bull had espied him and was now determined to run him into the ground. The assessor turned and ran toward the opposite side of the field. He noticed Farmer Joe leaning calmly against the fence and screamed, "Do something!!!!"
Farmer Joe laconically replied, "Just show him your paper."
My tax return
I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS.
It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question:
“List all dependents?”
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?I'm
stealingborrowing that
Waa Hooooo
First 88.
A young man comes a runnin’ home, a yellin’- “Pa! Pa!, I'm a gittin’ married !!!!”
Now slow down, son. Tell me about this lucky child, says pa.
Well, she's reeeel purty and she can cook biscuits and squirrel almost as good as Ma. But the best part, pa? She's a virgin!!!
A virgin!! yells Pa. You ain't a gittin hitched to no virgin, son. If she ain't good enough for her kin, she's ain't good enough for our’n!!
A physicist, an engineer, and an architect walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you fellas want to wait until the architect is done, or should I just ship him home?”
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